Artful Grief: A Diary of Healing is about the ten year period after my daughter’s suicide, during which I created over one hundred collages. It is the story of my understanding of myself, for my child’s death stripped me of my identity as a human being, a mother and an art therapist. It is also my daughter Kristin’s story, and the struggle she lost due to a misdiagnosed bipolar illness. The narrative unfolds with the phone call I received in the middle of the night from the New York City police, telling me that Kristin had “fallen” to her death. Through my journal entries, written to Kristin, the reader enters my intimate lamentations for my child. “I want you to come home. I want to see you in your blue jeans. I want you to sleep in your bed. I have a hurting stomach. I have a hurting heart. I cannot breathe. I want to kill everyone. I want to scream. I want to tear out my hair. I want to dress in black. I want to tell everyone you are gone. I want to cry forever. I want to start over. I want to feed you. I want to laugh with you. I want to talk with you. I want to know why. I want to know how. I want to know what you were thinking. I want you home with me. I want to throw up. I did it all wrong. I was so stupid. I should have seen. I want it to be different. I want…” I weave in Kristin’s voice through the text taken from her own diaries which are heart wrenching in their self loathing and despair as well as joyous and celebratory as she realizes her dreams of being an artist and coming into her own as a beautiful young woman. I offer a snapshot of the complexities of adolescence, which call into question my parenting and the deadly pitfalls of my decisions. Through my creative collage process, I find a place for the unspeakable to be seen and heard, I return to life through the bits and pieces of paper I tear out of magazines. The images of my grief are compelling and evocative. I take you into them repeatedly as I “fall” endlessly with Kristin. I take you into my healing process and offer a creative tool and a road map through grief’s journey, so that others can follow. I share my daily struggles and introduce you to the deeply kept secrets of the bereaved, the unending suffering that continues long after the first and second years. I share a pinnacle healing experience as my unreleased primal scream finds its way through me, five years after Kristin’s death. I weave together exquisite dreams and meditations, which move quietly through my life prophetically. They, along with my collage images become the essential ingredients of my rebirth.